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The Dangers Of Falling In Love During Software Development

Spring is in the air! The birds are singing, the first flowers are starting to bloom and yet any good Software Engineer worth their salt is definitely not outside enjoying it.

Their world has drawn down to a harshly lit fluorescent cubicle where the rapid clacking away at the keyboard is only interrupted by the guttural cries emitted every time a unit test fails. A singular goal exists in this state: to birth their software progeny upon the world.

Yet, this act of creation is not borne out of a sense of duty or fulfillment. A deeper, more intimate connection has been established between this specific developer with this specific project. Yes, like the perils and pitfalls of that soft and squishy feeling that humans get upon first achieving romantic feelings for another of our species, Engineers also have the capacity to fall deeply in love with a software project. When a brainchild is allowed to grow beyond a mere undertaking at the office and into an all consuming focus of the waking hours, the lengths that people will go to ensure the perfect representation of their ideas can cross the border into extreme territory.

It should be noted this first love typically does not occur immediately upon entering the development realm. It may take many moons or possibly even many circular orbits around the fiery ball that we call the sun for this event to occur for any individual person. It is also not possible to plan or predict when such an occurrence might be triggered. Like love in young humans, it is not something that can be planned or anticipated.

The sense of responsibility and ownership that accompanies this emotional embracing is intense. It is also difficult to understand until one has actually experienced this affliction. Explaining it to the uninitiated is like explaining water to a fish,


An amazing example of this love and dedication to a project can be seen in the story of Stardew Valley. For those not familiar, this game is a farming simulation game that was inspired by a series of games knows as Harvest Moon. In the ultimate expression of love and affection for a project, the game was created by one human, Eric Barone.

Mr. Barone has given numerous interviews regarding this love affair (GQ, Vulture, NPR, and many others including the excellent book Blood Sweat and Pixels referral link). What is incredible about this story is that not only did he attack this obsession singlehandedly, he did it without any prior knowledge of development, code, or how artwork and music work in video games.

Stardew Valley was also created in a vacuum, without the overriding context of a business or manager or timelines. As an Engineer who has personally fallen in love with a product, the sheer amount of jealousy that came about while reading about this amazing felt almost suffocating in the intensity

How many other artists can state that they had the time, space, motivation, and dedication to make something so perfect against their inner desires and dreams? How many people have the fortitude to persevere on a project like this without the compromise that is so often needed in the business world?

Anyone who has fallen in love with a project knows this feeling. The dread of having someone else poke around in the pieces as they are being created. The feelings of jealousy, guardianship, and love warring together as another person works on my project.

Yet, the question must be asked, is this a bad thing? There are both pros and cons to this experience. Going through this affair provides a huge amount of maturity in the ability to work on future projects in a more objective manner. The sheer amount of wisdom and knowledge that is gained is invaluable to a Software Engineer for future projects.

Just like our dating history shapes our future human relationships, so do our projects and products that we work on in the realm of Engineering. We will be better for it, but just like any good relationship, sometimes external advice is needed to help put things in perspective. Therefore, the following tips and suggestions provide a little bit of project advice for those caught in the clutches of a project obsession.


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Like Any Addiction, Recognition Is The First Step

For someone who has fallen in love with their software project and is elevating it above all others, the first step step in understanding concerns awareness and acknowledgement. While this is not a physiological addiction, it is a psychological one, albeit it temporary.

How does someone know if they are falling into this seductive and addictive trap? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you find your behavior changing to support the project?
  • Are you making unhealthy decisions like skipping meals or forgoing exercise to work on the project?
  • Do you dream of electric sheep wandering around talking to you about your project?

If someone can manage to recognize the predicament that they are in, then there are some other ways to use this knowledge as an advantage and hopefully avoid some of the worst pitfalls that can line this path of travel.


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In The Manner Of All Obsessions, You Are Powerless To Stop It

Have you ever been in love and tried to convince yourself to not be in love? How about simply forcing yourself to think about something other than the target of your affections? Instead of wasting time figuring out ways to potentially divest yourself of these feelings, why not just step back and embrace them?

One of the great positives when in love with a project is the ability to simply output an amazing amount of work in a short period of time. This time period may be one of the most productive times in your life. Use this to your advantage! You will never experience the amazing efficiency that is possible when working on a loved passion project. In all honesty, the biggest problem with falling in love is the sheer lack of more hours in the day to work on it!

However, there are some pitfalls to watch out for as well. This obsession can lead down some dark paths as it relates to the pursuit of utter perfection. Where other might stop much earlier in the process with a declaration of good enough, those in love may work tirelessly for the goal of a perfect product. This can have serious consequences when it comes to delivery dates and timelines.


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Like Many First Loves, It May End Badly

Who hasn’t been jilted in some way by love? One of the biggest risks of becoming obsessed with a project in the workplace is that in most instances, nobody works alone on a project. Therefore, the risks around others changing, criticizing, and otherwise influencing what is being worked on is rather high.

When this happens the last thing anyone wants to think about is compromise, yet that is often what must occur in the business world. This can be absolutely devastating to the developer who is now having to see their crystal clear dream fragment and break into many unrecognizable chunks.

In the worst cases, someone else may be added to the project. This can be as disconcerting as finding out that your significant other is having dalliances on the side with another lover. Now, someone else is hammering away at the code that hath been so lovingly wrought.

Yet even adding another person into the mixture is not the ultimate fate that can be suffered during such a relationship. There is no worse fate than to have the object of affection be shut down and removed due to changing business needs. Yes, this extreme scenario can occur and can utterly upend the life of any Software Engineer caught in the middle between their masterpiece and a business that needs to make money.


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While Infatuation Is Involved, It Is Also A Trial By Fire

This unique set of circumstances is not only a love born from an Engineer experiencing the godlike power of what it means to be an Engineer in the inception of a new creation. This is also a challenging rite of passage to not only carry this project though to completion, but to fight of any and all challengers to the vision that is being implemented.

Unless there are some very unique circumstances like those that surrounded the creator of Stardew Valley, the challenges that will be faced during this project are many and will require constant vigilance on top of the development efforts. This will add to the overall burden and can end up being one of the hardest trials of a professional career.

The opportunity for overwork and burnout are very high in these scenarios and many people will need to step away for some R&R after one of these projects.

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You Will Get Through This and It Will Make You A Better Engineer

Like all things in life, this will come to an end. This fact will feel far away and impossible to achieve while in the throes of passion for the project, yet no matter the break, separation, or long term marriage that results from the initial passion, the honeymoon period will end at some point.

There is an immense amount of wisdom that can be gained from this tryst. Whether or not the project succeeded or not, this is the true reward that should be carried forward. How much knowledge will help on future projects? How many rabbit holes were delved down that turned up useful nuggets of information that will help on future projects?

If nothing else, going through this experience will make anyone a better Engineer, more able to handle all of the intricacies of projects and the amazing maturity and wisdom that come from these experiences.

Thanks for reading!

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